Doubt: a Christmas gift
One of the problems we have with our lives is Death.
Death has been demonized into something “that must be defeated at all costs”. This war on The End drives public “health” initiatives, government policy, and personal behavior across nearly every domain of our society. No less than world-class asshole Larry Ellison, he of the “get over it (privacy)” mantra, sitting out there on his billions pilfered through an over-priced database piped into the military-industrial complex, has noted dying makes him angry. Why should he, this glowing example of humanity, be consigned to the same fate as all other creatures ever? Why should Humble Larry die?
Larry’s cowardice is understood and shared by far too many of us. This (frankly, top-down) “vision” is rapidly pushing all of us to a point of no return: these craven egomaniacs are moving beyond justification for changes to the genomes we share among ourselves and other creatures, to mapping out and developing chimeras and “perfect” humans That Will Be Gods, and are on the cusp of actively implementing these changes in our bodies and those of our collective future. Should they succeed--and it's looking real good for them these days, the rest of us (the non-Larry’s) will have eternal slavery as our reward for giving Larry’s ilk immortality in ivory castles moated by genetics and cybernetics. At that point, the cowardice won't be shared, anymore: they'll be up there, hiding from Death, while the product of their hubris—their fear—is bred into our bones. (The cowards will likely merge with AI, too, to ride it gloriously into the Forever Future.)
This ongoing project--as horrifying as it looks to be now, with no real light at the end of the tunnel, even for its adherents--may be successful, but Death will not be conquered, nor will the acts of these cowardly demi-gods be any less craven. Death will live on (even if only in us. the non-Larry's), and their fear driving all these supremely unsavory distractions will remain, because that fear is not only of Death, but of that final Moment of Being Alone Death forces us to face. Living forever doesn't cheat Death, or that Moment; it just holds it at arm's length until cosmic ennui takes its toll. All that effort, all that waste, just to be separate from the firmament of Existence, to "put a dent in the universe", driven as it is by fear, will ultimately fail, and the fear will have to be confronted regardless: that Moment will come.
Which, if you think about the whole thing, is cosmically silly: we spend all our lives alone with our thoughts, even as we seek to avoid doing so, lest they lead to contemplation of Non-Thought. We pretty much do everything possible—taking up distractions, plying chemicals, simple, willful ignoring—to escape them (ourselves), and yet they are there, for Larry's and non-Larry's alike, patiently waiting for our notice, quietly wondering if we will let them prepare us for the Final Thought.
We are so certain Death holds something bad for us, if for no other reason than we have to face that Final Moment, our Last Thought, that neither can be honestly considered, for doing so will surely do….something. So, we avoid it, or anything reminiscent of it. We purge any such consideration from our daily lives, and flow towards the certainty of the collective. We join the team, build the wall, and hunker down in our certainty.
We seek consensus. We promulgate mores. We consult experts, and follow their advice (dictates.) We huddle around the fires of what we know, of what our teachers and ministers preach, circle the wagons, and guard against misinformation, against doubt. We hunt for the things certain within ourselves in other people, and reject those people when they fail to reflect that certainty back to us. We create the Other, and condemn it, and lift ourselves out of it. We flatter ourselves and call this process Choice, as if it is something we have done consciously (with a little help from our friends), but we don't doubt our path, because others we like and believe in share it, validate it, and it feels (after a LOT of conditioning) ours. It is us, and it is Life. The avoidance often works so well there is never any serious doubt; we'll march-step into Larry's future, eyes wide open, hoping we'll be on the last ladder up, and we'll never have to know.
But the whispers are still there, and if the ladder is pulled up before we grab the last rung, what then? What happens when doubt sets in?
These are not new questions. They exist with us the entirety of our lives, quietly whispering to us when we have unguarded moments of self-reflection, yet we rarely dwell on them. WHY IS THAT?
Perhaps the automated process of personality creation we mistake for our own individuality is simply a template stamped out by the Larry's around us to keep us on the reservation and in the path where we don’t have to consider that last Thought and what it really means to us and our place in the universe. Our received wisdom is a road map for ignoring the doubts within us, a way to make our paths here easier, if unfulfilling. We don’t have doubt, and all is good (or relatively so.)
But let’s pretend for a moment we are capable of being more than frightened animals hiding from their gods’ wrath. Let’s consider the certainty used to steer us from doubt isn't a healthy balm, but a static prison, and we know it, but will not allow ourselves to know it. Let’s realize Death comes to us all, that Final Thought happens, and as a result each moment of our lives is precious, and even with the clock ticking, we should strive to think for ourselves, if for no other reason than this is all we’ll ever know or be, and we experience and embrace Doubt.
And having embraced doubt, what happens now?
I can only tell you what I have experienced, as limited as I am, after allowing myself to doubt: a hint of freedom, a taste of grace, a wave of gratitude, and knowledge beyond the template. The knowledge is simple, but profound: I do NOT know everything, rather hardly anything at all, and that is OK (as it always allows for more knowledge to be acquired.) Doubt opens up reality, and allows you appreciate yourself, your place and time, and your wonder.
Doubt is the most empowering feeling you can have and the greatest danger to those in power. It’s frightening, exhilarating, and humbling. It makes you start over from scratch about everything. It creates you anew, and makes you more formidable than a thousand Larry’s.
Merry Christmas. Now, get doubting.